


Simple and Plain

by ADreamIsASoftPlaceToLand



Series: Angelo's Asexual and Agender Adventures [1]
Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Angelo is asexual, Angelo... does not know this, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Aphobia, Internalized Arophobia, M/M, Marc is a Very Good Boyfriend, Please read notes for more detailed warnings!!!, Second Citadel (Penumbra Podcast), because I say so, compulsory heterosexuality/allosexuality, discussion of consent, discussion of past non-con/implied non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2019-11-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 20:47:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21555169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ADreamIsASoftPlaceToLand/pseuds/ADreamIsASoftPlaceToLand
Summary: Angelo and Marc talk about where their relationship is going. It ends up being a more complicated conversation than either of them expected.
Relationships: Sir Angelo/Sir Marc (Penumbra Podcast)
Series: Angelo's Asexual and Agender Adventures [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1553413
Comments: 18
Kudos: 97





	Simple and Plain

**Author's Note:**

> There is heavy discussion of consent in this, and while Marc is very clear and insistent on consent, there are internal thoughts from Angelo about past situations where he engaged in romantic and sexual activities with women because he felt it was expected of him, despite being a homoromantic sex-repulsed asexual. Angelo does not identify this way (yet), because he has no context for any kind of terms like asexuality or aromanticism. Thus, many of his thoughts are aphobic and arophobic, and there is some explicitly acrophobic language in this fic. I wanted to explore the amatonormativity/allonormativity of our world through the lens of the Second Citadel so I’ve chosen to portray these thoughts as the accepted norm in the world of the Second Citadel, and thus Angelo is grappling with the problematic ideas that have been indoctrinated into him, much how we are indoctrinated with these ideas in our society. These thoughts are internal, so they do not get resolved in this particular fic, because Angelo does not yet understand the problems with these ways of thinking. Specifically, I resolve his issues with not wanting to have sex, but there are a few moments where it is clear Angelo still believes the construct of amatonormativity to be accurate and unproblematic, and Angelo believes himself to be broken as a result of his asexual identity, and this is intertwined with ideas about being aromantic. I’m writing Angelo as alloace in this particular series, but I want to make it clear that even though his ideas of amatonormativity no longer apply to his specific sexual identity, that the ideas he believes related to these identities are still problematic. I am also not trying to discount the validity of aromantic relationships or aromantic Angelo, it’s just not how I’m choosing to portray him for this particular series. These problematic views and uses of arophobic language do not get resolved/corrected in this fic, so I want to make it clear that these views are false, and it is not a view that I want to condone or support in anyway.  
> All aro/ace identities are valid, and I plan to explore Angelo’s misconceptions about this later in the series! (he and Talfryn are going to have a conversation about being aroace!) Please tread carefully if any of these things might be triggering for you, and let me know if there's anything you think I should add!
> 
> Thank you to @pinkpuffballdude on tumblr for eir valuable aro-sensitivity reading for this fic, I really appreciated the feedback!! Thank you also to @jakkubrat on tumblr for their cheerleading and beta-reading!! I love you both!! 
> 
> Title from "You Matter to Me" from Waitress

Sir Angelo has always believed in miracles. Believed in the magic of one person protecting another, believed in the miracle of one person loving another for no reason other than wanting to. Angelo has learned a lot about the world in the past few months. He’s learned that some people are cruel, and that sometimes the world is cruel, too. People often get far less than they deserve, and people who deserve less often get more. He’s learned a lot about the way the world works, seen all the ways he’s been oblivious to the unfairness of it all, but despite all of that he still can’t bring himself to stop believing in miracles. For, in the face of so much cruelty, isn’t the stubborn persistence of human kindness the greatest kind of miracle?

  


Kissing Marc feels like a miracle, too. Each time it is different, and each time he learns something new about what it’s like to kiss this incredible man. What it’s like to feel Marc smile against his lips, what it’s like to feel Marc pepper his face with soft, gentle kisses. What it’s like to tangle his hands in Marc’s hair while Marc holds his face with warm, rough hands. What it’s like to feel Marc moan softly against his mouth. 

  


He’s never enjoyed kissing before. He’d always wondered why it made him uncomfortable, but had eventually just accepted that is was just something people did. Knights kissed damsels, and that was the way things were. Kissing wasn’t pleasant, but it was expected. Many of the tasks required of a knight are unpleasant, he simply assumed kissing was no different. 

  


He kisses Marc and suddenly everything makes so much _sense._ Now he can see what all the fuss is about. He _wants_ to kiss Marc, and suddenly things fall into place - he never enjoyed kissing before because he wasn’t kissing _Marc_ , because he wasn’t kissing a _boy_. The relief he feels at this fact overwhelms him. He isn’t broken, unable to love, he just wasn’t trying to love the right people. Angelo loves so many people with everything he has, but the way he feels for Marc is _different_. It feels right, it feels like he’s been missing something he didn’t know he needed. 

  


So, when one day, they’re sitting on his bed and Marc kisses him, letting it go on for longer than normal, his hands tangling in Angelo’s hair, his tongue teasing Angelo’s mouth open and tangling with his own, Angelo lets him. Being with Marc has shown him that he _does_ like these things after all, so why should this next step be any different? The kiss deepens, and soon they’re both breathless with it. Marc pulls back for a moment, and they meet each other’s eyes, catching their breath. Marc gives him a lopsided grin, and then leans in to peck Angelo’s lips again in a much more chaste kiss. He looks back up at Angelo again, and reaches forward to hover his hands over Angelo’s hips, near the hem of his shirt, “Is this ok?” 

  


Angelo tilts his head curiously, “Of course, Sir Marc. Why wouldn’t it be?”

  


Marc huffs out a laugh, “I think you can drop the “Sir” bit by now, Angie. And I wanted to check in since we haven’t really… Talked about this yet.” 

  


“Talked about what, S- um. Marc?” Angelo fidgets a bit, the sudden shift in mood leaving him confused and a little uncertain. 

  


Marc flushes and looks down at his lap, “About- well. About us? Taking things to the next step, I guess?” 

  


Angelo tilts his head again, this time thoughtful. “We have been courting for quite some time now, Marc. I do believe that ‘taking things to the next step’, as you put it, seems appropriate.” 

  


Marc looks back up on him, and his expression is difficult to read as he says, “That doesn’t really answer my question, though, Big Guy.” 

  


Angelo’s eyebrows furrow, “Then I am… not sure what you are asking me, my friend.” 

  


Now it’s Marc’s turn to look confused. “Angelo, I- I’m asking if this is what you _want_. Do you _want_ to do this?”

  


Angelo blinks. “I- why wouldn’t I? Isn’t that what everyone wants from a… relationship? Is this not the natural progression of things? Surely you don’t think that I wish to… to end things with you, Marc?”

  


“No, of course not Angelo, but. We still need to talk about this. And you still haven’t answered the question - I’m not asking if this is what we _should_ do, or what _everyone_ wants. I asked if it’s what _you_ want. And I’m not going to let this go any further if you don’t want to,” Marc reaches over to put his hand on Angelo’s knee. “I know you’re… a little newer to this than I am, though admittedly I’m a little unfamiliar with the whole ‘guys’ thing, too. But that just means communication is even _more_ important for us. We’re in uncharted territory here, and I’m not going to let either of us get hurt because we weren’t communicating properly. Just… Talk to me, and be honest with me, ok? Do you want this to go further?”

  


Angelo is very confused, he stares at Marc with his mouth agape, but he manages to nod. Marc smiles at him, soft and warm, and doesn’t continue. Angelo realizes Marc is waiting for him to say something, but he doesn’t know where to begin. _Does_ he want this? He’s never really considered that before, never has that question even crossed his mind. Angelo knows what should be _expected_ of him right now. There is a way things are done, and they are done that way for a reason, aren’t they? 

  


Images flash through his mind, moments from the past few years, since he started training to become a knight. He and Damien, tied for the title of the Best Knight in the Citadel. _Of course_ they were both the objects of a lot of female attention. But Damien was taken fairly quickly by Rilla, so most of the attention ended up falling to him. All knights took women back to their rooms at the end of the night. It was just part of the job. He never understood if it was just a sense of duty, or if his fellow knights actually enjoyed the time they spent with the damsels they rescued. Regardless, he had accepted that this ritual was just something knights did, and so he would do it, too. It had always made him uncomfortable, when women approached him, flirting and teasing. He hadn’t understood why then, but it hadn’t mattered at the time, anyway. He let the women tug him into their rooms, even though it scared him, even though afterwards he always felt sick and _wrong_. Knights had to be brave, after all, and that was something he could do. But now Marc is giving him a _choice_ , and Angelo has no idea what to do with it. 

  


He lowers his eyes to stare into his lap, and opens his mouth to speak, and it is embarrassingly unsteady as he says, “I do not... No one has ever… Asked me that before.” 

  


He thinks about all those times… All those nights he spent with women, wishing he could be doing anything else, be anywhere else in the world. Did he have a choice then, too? _Why didn’t he think he had a choice?_ He stares into his lap and tries to breathe. He shuts his eyes and is horrified when, as he does, tears spill from them and pour hot down his cheeks, dripping onto his hands, fisted tightly in his lap. Now this is something he _knows_ knights do not do. Knights are supposed to be strong, brave. They aren’t supposed to cry over... well, over anything, really. 

  


Marc’s voice is impossibly soft as he whispers, “Oh, Angelo…” 

  


Angelo gasps, trying to stifle the sobs that are threatening to burst from him. After a moment, there is a rustling of fabric next to him as Marc shifts on the bed next to him, and he hears Marc ask him, quietly, “Is it ok if I touch you? Can I hold you?” 

  


He opens his mouth to respond but _even now_ Marc is _asking_ , giving him a _choice,_ and it’s all so much, too much. He tries to speak but what comes out is a sob instead, and so he just nods, finally looking up to Marc and reaching to him with open arms. Marc uses his arms to push himself across the bed and into Angelo’s lap, letting Angelo tug him the rest of the way into a bear hug. Angelo buries his head in Marc’s shoulder, and Marc holds wraps his arms around him tightly, tangling one hand in the hair at the nape of his neck and the other rubbing gentle circles on his back. 

  


Marc holds him like this, holds him together and whispers comforting words that he barely hears, until his sobs have slowed and he has more or less composed himself again. He pulls his head away from Marc’s shoulder, sniffing, and Marc loosens his grip, pulling one arm back to his side, but keeps one hand cupped around the back of Angelo’s neck. Angelo is glad for it, the weight of Marc in his lap, the warm hands still touching him, comforting him. He straightens up, and is pleased that his voice is much more even now as he says, “Forgive me, Friend Marc. I am not sure what came over me.” 

  


The hand at Marc’s side reaches up and touches his cheek gently. Their eyes meet and there is something unreadable but familiar in Marc’s expression as he shakes his head. “Angelo, please. Don’t apologize. I’m the one who should be apologizing. I’m sorry I upset you, I never would’ve… I’m sorry.” 

  


“Friend Marc, I cannot possibly imagine what _you_ are apologizing for!” Angelo cries, he stares blankly at Marc for a moment, before dropping his gaze. His voice is softer as he continues, “You have… you have been far kinder than anyone I have ever known.”

  


Marc sighs, and rubs a thumb across Angelo’s jawline. “Angelo, I- I’m so sorry. I wish- I’m so, so sorry if- if anyone ever made you feel like you had to- Saints...”

  


Suddenly, Angelo recognizes the look in Sir Marc’s eyes. It’s the look he gets just before a battle. A fiery glint of anger and determination that makes something tighten in Angelo’s chest. He doesn’t speak, so Marc continues, “I want you to hear me right now, Angelo. I need you to hear and understand that I am _never, ever_ going to make you do something you don’t want to do. This is why I wanted to talk about this in the first place, but I _need_ you to understand that I will _never._ Do that to you.” 

  


The look in Marc’s eyes is fierce and Angelo has to look away from the intensity of it. Marc tucks a finger under his chin to tilt his head up again, forcing Angelo to meet his eyes. “Hey, Big Guy, I’m not done yet. There’s something else I need you to hear, and understand. I’m not just doing this because I care about you. I’m not giving you special treatment, I’m not treating you any differently than I would treat anyone else. I’m treating you the way you, the way _everyone,_ should be treated. Everyone has boundaries, everyone has limits. No one should ever overstep those boundaries, and I’m so sorry if anyone ever has with you. I’m sorry if you ever felt like you _had_ to do something if you didn’t want to. That should never happen to anyone. You should never feel like what you want, what you’re comfortable with, isn’t important in a relationship.”

  


Angelo isn’t going to cry again, he _isn’t_ , but he leans his head down until his forehead rests against Marc’s, and scrunches his eyes shut. He takes a breath, then another. “I… Thank you, Friend Marc. I believe I understand now.” 

  


Marc runs a hand through Angelo’s hair, and shifts away just long enough to press a kiss to his forehead. “And one more thing - you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, but you also need to know - if anyone ever _did_ make you feel like something was expected of you, like you _had_ to do something, and you did it even though you didn’t want to, that it _wasn’t your fault_. You did nothing wrong, Angelo.”

  


Angelo doesn’t quite understand this, shouldn’t he have said something? Made it more clear that it wasn’t what he wanted? How can it be someone else’s fault when he let it happen? When he didn’t say anything? 

  


As though Marc can see the confusion on his face, Marc takes Angelo’s face in his hands and says firmly, “They were the ones who messed up, they _should_ have asked you. They _should_ have cared about _you_ , how _you_ felt.” 

  


Angelo looks at Marc, awed by this knight, who _does_ care for him, who _does_ care about how he feels, and he understands. He nods, leaning his cheek into Marc’s palms, and smiles, hoping to convey the gratitude he feels, because he doesn’t think he’d be able to put it into words right now. 

  


Marc smiles back and runs his thumbs over Angelo’s cheekbones. “Obviously I don’t think this is going to go anywhere right _now_ , but… Can I ask my question again? Do you… want this to go any further? What do you want?”

  


He thinks for a moment, but he’s not really sure how to answer this. Marc waits patiently for him to speak, and eventually, he tries, “I… I am not sure, Friend Marc. Before… I did not. I have never-” he huffs in frustration, wishing this wasn’t so difficult, so complicated to express. “Being with you has been very different than my previous… experiences with courting. I like many things that I did not think I liked before I met you. But I do not… I do not think this extends to- to _that_ particular endeavor.”

  


Marc nods, “Alright. That’s fine. Thank you for being honest with me, big guy.” 

  


Angelo’s eyebrows furrow as a thought suddenly occurs to him, “But… Friend Marc, is this not something that _you_ want? Is that not… an important part of a relationship?” 

  


Marc shrugs. “It can be. I don’t mind having sex, but I don’t want to do anything _you_ don’t want to do. You’re… a very attractive guy, Angie, but that isn’t why I want to be with you. If this never goes any further than kissing- wait, you do like kissing right?” 

  


Angelo beams and nods. “Yes! Yes, that is. Very enjoyable, my friend.”

  


Marc grins back, “Ok, good. I figured, since you initiate plenty of kisses, but I wanted to check. But anyway, if this never goes any further than kissing, that isn’t going to change how I feel about you. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to have sex. You aren’t broken, you aren’t a disappointment. You aren’t unloveable or unable _to_ love. You love more than anyone I’ve ever known, Angie. Don’t ever believe that you aren’t capable of that.” 

  


Angelo pulls Marc closer, wrapping his arms tighter around Marc’s waist and burying his nose in Marc’s neck. In the safety of this embrace, Angelo can say the only thought that his mind can focus on right now, “I think… I think I may be in love with _you_ , Marc.”

  


Marc turns his head and kisses the top of Angelo’s, and hugs him a little tighter. “Yeah? I love you, too, sunshine.”

  


Angelo feels his face go hot at the endearment. Marc has never called him that before, never called him anything but Angelo, Angie, Big Guy. It feels almost more important, somehow, than Marc returning his love. He straightens up again and looks at Marc, who returns his gaze with a soft, warm smile. 

  


He leans down to kiss Marc again, soft and slow and sweet. _He loves this knight_ , he thinks. He’s learned so much about himself since he met Marc, _because_ of Marc, and the way that Marc has helped him navigate this new relationship. This concept of boundaries might be new to him, but he trusts Marc more than anyone else, and he knows that Marc will give him the space and safety he needs until he figures them out for himself. He feels immensely grateful that he gets to have this man, that they get to be together and learn about each other, and he hopes that they can keep doing it for a long, long time to come. 

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me @shorter-than-her-tbr-pile on tumblr!


End file.
